Pointy Things

(Today, I'm going to write how I talk so here's a taste of my vocalizings!)

Just thinking that I'm at one of those "what's the point?" moments. I have all these goals of what I wanna be doing. And you know what, I'm gunna do them. I'm tired of being annoyed with stuff I "have" to do. I really just want a job that I actually wanna do, but that just seems to be too much to ask sometimes. Really? That's just lame. I think it would be totally sweet to have a job just writing. Writing about whatever is happening or hitting my brain. That would be sweet. Can artists really survive anymore? I feel like artistry has been so romanticized and we're all stuck in stupid jobs doing crap that we swore we'd never do as kids. I guess that's where I'm stuck. In that kid mindset, where we still have dreams that we want to reach and be rockstars and dancers, that's where I am. Thing is, I don't want to be a rockstar or a dancer, and you might not either, but you do wanna be happy.... whatever that means. Excuse me while I fantasize, my ideal little world includes me waking up in the morning to a cup of tea and a beautiful view followed by some strumming on my guitar while nibbling on a bagel. The rest of the day is spent working with animals and kids, just bonding and building relationships. Hanging with friends and not having to be anywhere on time. That's what it boils down to; being on my own time. Who doesn't want that?

I have all the motivation in the world. It's just all trapped inside my head. I could rule the world inside my head. I'll be damned if I can put any of it to action though. You know what I mean? In your head you can blast through the day miraculously, but when it comes to actually doing this you're lucky to accomplish 1/3 of it. That's why life has to be measured some other way. Beyond the crap we accomplish and into the relationships we build. People are more important. There's no question in that for me. So, I'm gunna stop being a wuss.

This is kind of funny to me b'cuz this is how I encourage myself. I literally whine about crap and get insistent on the way I think life should be. It clears me up for a few days at least. How about you? How do you get yourself motivated?

Accomplishing Reality.. or something.

I want to feel like I've accomplished something. One of my biggest fears in life is coming to the end of it, looking back and thinking "What did I do?" What did I do that I'm proud of, that makes me feel like there was a point to me being here, that I can look back at and say "I accomplished something."
I suppose I'm just like everyone though. I don't know a single person who doesn't want to feel like they've made an impact in some way, some how. And I know that I've left/am leaving my mark on some people. There are people who've most definitely left their mark on me. I wonder if those people know that they've influenced me. I wonder if they're sitting around thinking, "Damn, what I have I done with my life?" There are some people I know I would guffaw at if they turned to me and said they felt unaccomplished. And I'm sure I could get the same response from people, maybe even those I look up to.
Yet, here I am, sitting at a low point and feeling pretty darn deficient in my "things I've done that I'm proud of" category. I hate being at one of those going through the motions points of life. I don't want my current actions and state of being to be a means to an end. I want every moment to count for something. Who doesn't?
My struggle comes at the point of deciphering and deciding what to do about it. What do I do about this transitional, transient, uneventful part of my life that I am so apparently dissatisfied with? I don't have a clue. I have all these urges to move, create, build, laugh, experience. I just don't feel like I have the means to be that person. I've spent a lot of my life idolizing people who seemed so free-spirited; longing to be so extraordinary and act so natural. What's funny is that there are people who see me as that kind of person... though I never feel like that kind of person. I just feel like me. Plain Jane, simple, regular.
Right now, I don't know how to compromise these feelings. I have these goals that I just want to rush into. Maybe they're not totally goals, but desires. Sometimes I think I'm only of those people that wasn't meant to live in the real world. Ya know, that world of bill-paying, credential-building, adulty place. I don't think I was made for that. Like I'm Willy Wonka standing in the city  and looking at the normal passersby like they're the weird ones. I don't think I'm made for that place, or rather this place I guess.
I'm in Wonderland or Narnia or something. No wait... I want to be in those places because everything that I feel is right is right in those places. What does that even mean? Those places were made up, but man do I wish I could step through the wardrobe or fall down the rabbit hole and just be there. The fantastic just feels natural, normal. And this place feels heavy, busy, and (in my opinion) destructive. I wonder what it would be like to just act like I'm really in Narnia or Wonderland? I don't mean playing pretend, but to live in this brick and smoggy place like its a world of fantasy. Let me see if I can explain this right because I don't want to sound like someone who's lost there marbles (like Teddy in Peter Pan :-P ).
Why couldn't the ideals that Lewis, Carroll, Tolkein... Barrie... whoever! described be rules to live by? Isn't that what they meant anyhow? Aren't there valuable lessons in those stories? If not, then what's the point of them anyway!?! Maybe the fountain of youth is just not letting go of the ethics of childhood where everyone is fair, friends, and interesting. An opposing idea might say "But that's just not how the world works!" I think that's not how the world works because we have forgotten the innocence and importance of fairness and sharing that were so vital to us as children. Kids have probably got it more right that any degree'd and diploma'd scholar. The most brilliant ideas come from minds that have been unaltered by our grown-up mean, money focused rules and regulations.
This is probably why I feel like I have to be accomplished. I have to turn myself into something so that I can leave behind a marker of the great things I've done. Heck, even the characters in the books do great things... though not usually by common means. I wonder the places that unusual means could take us...

New adventure!

I'm lame for not having updated. I'm sure that all 3.5 people who read this are thoroughly upset. My apologies to the half a person. I'm strongly avoiding saying "so" right now. It seems to be my go-to transition word. And to the point: I'm just gunna post some of my goals for this year. Nope, not calling them resolutions because that's not what they are (in my head).

First goal, I want to be more creative. So far that's working out pretty well. I'm super feeling the guitar playing right now. It's enjoyable and skill-building. Someone suggested I write a song so I may just do that. If I do there will be Youtube links to follow. Being more creative also includes writing. I haven't written or edited or re-read anything in ages. I have no excuse now because I do have access to all of Tanshin and my old works.
(To help myself remember what things I said I would make for people, I'm leaving a note for myself here: Barb-scarf & necklace, Jenn-necklace & baby hat, Karyn-colorful something, Gret-colorful hat, Jessi-hemp anklet.) 

Next goal, I want/need to be healthier. Its pretty lame when you sprint for 30 seconds and start wheezing like an asthmatic, especially when you don't have asthma. I'm planning and working on eating healthier and working out. Yoga is pretty cool, so I'm doing that a bit. I love all kinds of food so you think it would be easy for me to eat better. That's the goal anyhow, which I think is going to lead to me cooking more. Eventually, I hope this leads to me losing about 20 pounds. 

Biggest goal, check off some goals on my bucket list! Yeah, I've got one off those. If you don't know what I'm talking about, its a list of stuff you wanna do before you die. I've got something like 80 things on my list. A lot of my goals on the bucket list include intense travelling, but otherwise it includes doing some cliche things.

Also, I am horrible at saving money, so I'm gunna try for that too. I've declared to my boyfriend that I don't think we'll be ready to get married until we're each financially stable. I am the opposite of financially stable at this point and therefore impeding myself from marrying the man of my dreams. The fact that I live with my college roommate's parents is no more attractive either. In our awesomely capitalist society I am as appealing as roadkill is to Gordon Ramsey. 

I s'pose I'll be updating on how this all goes. I hope that you're goals/resolutions work out well too. I'm trying to as realistic as possible with what I want to do this year. Peace out! Good luck! 

I'm crazy or something

So, something has inspired me to participate in NaNoWriMo. Why, I'm not really sure. I've been spending several hours just trying to figure out what to write about. Browsing the interwebs brings strange results. I've found some weird stories, fun idea sites, and general oddities. I started writing something, but I'm not really feeling it to be honest. It could be a good story though, at some other time. It's kinda sad; the only thing that I can really write about is Dankin. It's the only thing I have inspiration for, that I want to write about. Seems like my good stuff is the stuff I've already started. So, I guess the only thing I'm gunna be writing for NaNoWriMo is Dankin stuff! Ready? Go!

To be (emo) or not to be (emo)?

I'm resisting this urge to be all emo right now. *No, don't be emo! You didn't make this blog to sound emo or junk like that! No!*

I'm running out of filler to post because I haven't gotten my data from my old computer. The lesson from the adventure of my previous lappy (aka laptop, but I'm sure you knew that) is this: cat urine + computer = doom. So, what can we put in to fill the space. Insert Jeopardy song.... I'm posting now because it's been too damn long since my last post. I hope, for the life of me, that I'm not one of those annoying bloggers. You know the people who are self-absorbed or the ones who only write about how absolutely horrible and unbearable their lives are. They both come a dime a dozen I'm pretty sure. So, onto something about Dankin.

I honestly don't know how many books there are in this series. It's kinda of something that just comes to me. When I was writing Dankin: A Journey, the first book, I kinda fell in love with my characters and the dynamics between them. Personally, I'm really a people person and I like to really get to know people. I mean really get to know people. So, I guess it only made sense that I would get really in depth about each of them and their lives. The stories of what brought them to where they are in Dankin came to me like they were my past. It only made sense. And the same is true for the sequel(s). The stories just came because I knew something else had to happen after Dankin. It's like when you get to know someone at a weekend conference and then a month later you say to yourself, "I wonder how he's doing."

I wonder if other writers do that... hmm... Well, I'm out! Hopefully, I'll get back before anyone wonders what happened to me. *shrug*

Who's behind that curtain?

Greetings! Today I’m actually going to share some background junk about Dankin. Grab some popcorn cuz this is gunna get interesting. *I should warn you if you haven’t realized yet, I say some ridiculous things. I hope you can tell what’s legit and what I’m just rambling from the far side.*

The inspiration for this story came from several sources. Nerdy RPGs and fantasy movies combined with my young brain translated into Dankin. As a young teen I wasn’t horribly interested in the entire fantasia like video games containing magical powers or Dungeons and Dragons, but my friends were. They played as the Princess who gathers gems to free her people from the evil spell of Lord Farquad (wait? What?).  Because I watched them play for hours these things got pumped into my blood. Now, I do have to say I love Lord of the Rings, and that is thanks to one of my high school friends too. So yeah, LOTR did influence me... or is it Tolkein influenced me? No way in hell I could write like Tolkein though! My brain can’t even try to do that, nor can my vocabulary.

So, most of the names of the characters and the main book title are all Japanese words. Why? Because Japanese is cooler than English, don’t ya know! I aim to make the names reflect the characters personalities (and the personalities of the people they are based from). The main four characters are loosely based from my friends and people that I know. The situations that the characters experience aren’t from real life though.  I don’t want to get into the characters’ backgrounds too much because that’s all stuff you learn as you read. I will tell you what their names mean though.

Dankin: Strong and cannot be broken. This story builds up the developing relationships of these characters and their countrymen through their struggles. This word describes an unbreakable bond.

Tanshin Nisou: Faithfulness, Alone. Priestess. Yes, she’s a priestess. Faith is something that Tanshin has to fight with herself about, trusting in others and herself.

Taishou Ajina: General, Imperial.  Taishou is probably the fiercest of the four. She is the one to remind everyone what they are fighting for.  For some reason, I can never find/remember what Ajina means but I believe it has to do with heartiness.

Kyoukou Katai: Strong, firm. Honorable. Kyoukou is an advisor to Empress Reppu. He’s been raised to be an upright fellow. Honor is very important to him.

Shishou Kiten: Teacher, Master. Clever, quick-witted.  Shishou is not only clever, but he’s kind of a “man’s man.” He was born to lead and teach.

Empress Reppu: Gale. Weak. For some reason (again) I couldn’t find the right translation of this and I can’t remember the meaning. I think it has something to do with rare beauty and fragility.

Empress Reppu is a reoccurring character, but she’s not one that you get to learn a lot about (which I just realized and am now questioning).  You may have also seen Toro in the character avatars in my last post. Toro is the bad guy from Dankin. I should tell you that I do plan to have several books. Dankin is the title of the first book, but also the series.

Whelp, I’m calling this thing for now! I hope you got the Wizard of Oz reference in the title of this post! Peace!

Face to the Name

While we're waiting to get the drafts from my old computer (that died by cat pee) I figured I'd give you eye candy. I've used a handy dandy Deviant Art app thing (link) to give an idea of what the characters from Dankin look like. This isn't anything definite on their visages really. I just played with the app to give an idea so don't be angry or think you have to stick with these images as the characters' faces. In my head they look much different, but then again, in my head they're real people. No, I'm not nuts.... really...  And for my next trick, I'll share the inspiration for the books and junk like that. I realize I said that this post would be background, but I'm a liar (apparently).

So, I'd like to present them to you.
In order from left to right, top row then bottom.
Shishou Kiten.     Tanshin Nisou.     Empress Reppu.
Taishou Ajina.     Kyoukou Katai.         Toro.